beDlAM

Three sleepless nights have passed already…
Three nights haunted by so many shadows from his past…
Shadows he tried so hard to cast away…
Shadows that forged the gloomy and bitter side of him…
He wanted to see the sun, he wanted to be positive, but nothing was helping…
Beirut was still under siege for the sixth day…
No positive sign was even in sight…
Every politician, though trying to sound rational and calm in his speech, was uttering threatening and frightening words that made him sense a more weighing ghost of war on his shoulders…
Lebanon…
Beirut…
His family…
His friends…
Himself…
Her…

Was he able to handle losing any of them?
July 2006 war already cost him a dear friend…
The 2007 Islamist war already separated him from his family…
What was this war costing him this time?
Lebanon?
Beirut?
Her?

What kind of bedlam was he living in?
Is he ever destined to be happy?
Is he ever destined to live in peace?
Whether with himself or with others?
How come every time he makes a step forward, destiny comes and pulls him ten steps backward?
He wanted to revolt, against Destiny…
Against God…
Against Himself…
Against everything and everyone that considered him as a chess pawn…
Against Life, Love, War…
Against what was happening in Beirut…
Against everyone taking part in what was happening in Beirut…
Against Her…
Against Her…
Against Her…

If only he was stronger…
If only he was God…
If only…
He wasn’t…
That helpless…

He sits on the floor…
Closes his eyes…
Rests his forehead on the wall…
And cries…